Resilience is a system

Resilience.  We hear that term a lot, especially in regards to kids in a divorce.  “Oh kids are resilient” we hear, from the parent that sees them 50% of the time, thus making them feel better about the divorce.  We hear it when someone goes through trauma, has cancer or experiences a physical setback – “She’s resilient and will make it through.” What do you think resilience is?  When you think of it you think essentially that something bad has happened and the person will spring back.  It’s the springing back that defines the resilience, isn’t it?  We imagine that someone’s life, their psyche, their experiences are like a stretchy sheet, or a flexible physical support.  It takes a hit, or bends a bit, and then it springs back.  Sometimes it springs back in direct proportion to how far it was forced to bend.  Someone becomes extremely unhealthy and a