I read a lot of articles on productivity, personal development and all that jazz.\u00a0 More accurately, I naively see a great title, start to read the article, and then find its the same thing over and over.\u00a0 I’ve learned that the more the title promises, the more the article disappoints.\u00a0 I’ve learned that the title is like a label on a bottle, and that the article is the actual formula.\u00a0 There are a lot of labels promising eternal youth, a cure for what ails you and super strength.\u00a0 There are article titles telling you that if you just do these two things something remarkable happens.\u00a0 They tell you that they have something astounding to tell you, and that in just\u00a0 few paragraphs you’ll have this tidbit of wisdom that will Change Your Life Forever.<\/p>\n
Over and over again, my hopes are raised by just a few words and then four minutes later dashed on the craggy rocks below – shattered and disbursed by the crashing waves that laugh as they smash into whatever little fragments of hopes are left, absorbing them into the salty cold waters below.<\/p>\n
Such is the life of someone searching for answers, unabashedly open to the wisdom of others.<\/p>\n
So, you can imagine how I approach doing the same thing: making a promise in a title and then delivering something tangible in the body.\u00a0 My labels may not be as exciting with New and Improved and You’ve Never Seen This Before but the formulae is solid.<\/p>\n
When I say these two things will make a huge difference, I mean it.\u00a0 When I say I’ve identified a cork that you can pull out to allow stuff to happen I mean it.\u00a0 And I’m not asking for you to Try This For Only 200 Days.\u00a0 No, try it for a day.\u00a0 Try it in the morning, see what happens an hour later<\/strong>.\u00a0 Yeah, I made that bold because you’re lazy and were just skimming.\u00a0 Ha.\u00a0 Gotcha.<\/p>\n Motivational people talk about a lot of things.\u00a0 I’m just going to talk about two things I’ve identified that make a big difference – this time we will deal with dread.<\/p>\n Dread<\/strong> is the feeling that you don’t want to do something.\u00a0 When you think about it you say “ugh” and have this flight or fight reaction.\u00a0 More accurately it’s a leave-your-house, do-something-else, procrastinate reaction.\u00a0 Maybe tomorrow, oh look it’s Friday how about Monday?<\/p>\n We have all<\/em> done this, a number of times.<\/p>\n Doubt<\/strong> is when you are unsure of your actions.\u00a0 It is not so much that you are unsure of the outcome, you are actually just unsure that you are doing the right thing.\u00a0 Since you can’t seem to figure out what the right thing is (due to your feelings of inadequacy, or lack of information, or feeling that the person you are dealing with is just so nuts) you shake your head and essentially freeze.\u00a0 It’s paralysis by analysis.<\/p>\n People who write motivational books focus on doubt.\u00a0 They tell you to execute, they tell you that it is all in the follow through, they tell you that this basketball player made x number of shots but missed x * 1,000 shots too.\u00a0 They tell you that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.\u00a0 That’s exhausting just reading that.<\/p>\n But you can’t just tell<\/em> someone to stop doubting, because you’re ignoring the reason<\/em> for the doubt, silly.\u00a0 And if you don’t ignore the reason<\/em> you might end up imparting tangible useful items to your readers\/listeners.<\/p>\n Imagine that.<\/p>\n So here’s what to do.\u00a0 You don’t need to do it for a year, or a month, or a week.\u00a0 You can actually try it one morning.\u00a0 This will only work on a day that you are experiencing dread and or doubt.\u00a0 if you aren’t then there’s nothing to do.\u00a0 So, on a day that you are dreading something, doubting what do do in a situation or both do the following.<\/p>\n Take a breath and allow yourself to feel the dread, just let it wash over you so that you can fully agree that you are dreading a thing.\u00a0 Yes really.\u00a0 You have to feel it for this to work. Focus on what the thing is.\u00a0 Is it talking with a client, or an employee, your boss, spouse, boyfriend or teenager?\u00a0 Now that you know what you are dreading, ask yourself why.\u00a0 That should be obvious – “Because they will yell at me!”\u00a0 “Because they are so crazy and this will just explode and get worse”\u00a0 “Because they always react negatively.”\u00a0 “Because…”<\/p>\n Now take the next step.\u00a0 Play it out in your mind.\u00a0 When you do this thing, do you feel that it is the proper thing to do?\u00a0 In other words, are you doing what you feel is right in the situation?<\/p>\n Yes?\u00a0 I’m pausing here because it’s important.\u00a0 You have to play it out and believe that what you are doing is the right thing.\u00a0 Take your time and feel it.<\/p>\n Once you agree that what you are doing is correct, and not fueled or tainted by things like spite, anger, disrespect or other things that are not who you really are – you can then play out their reaction.<\/p>\n You’ve now removed any guilt, bad feelings and anything else that divided you about this interaction.<\/p>\n One of two things now happen.\u00a0 Because the person controlling the play in your head (you) is on board with what you are doing, you will see the interaction in your head as being less emotional and more normal.\u00a0 You may even see the other person reaction a bit more plausibly and realistically.<\/p>\n “Huh, that’s not a big deal, that is the right thing and oh well if they don’t like it.\u00a0 It really is reasonable” your brain says.<\/p>\n Now, go back to the feeling of dread.\u00a0 Is it still there?\u00a0 Or did it dissolve?\u00a0 If I’m right, then it disolved.<\/p>\n Next time we will deal with doubt<\/strong><\/em>..<\/p>\nThe label: Dread<\/h2>\n
Here’s what to do about dread<\/h2>\n