Hypnosis and speaking to your manager.

Speaking to the manager

I want to speak to the manager. Rather, I want to speak to your manager.

What do you think of when I say that? Do you think of the structure of your current employer? Do you make a joke that it’s your cat? Is there a spouse joke in there for you? Or are you immediately defensive?

There’s a reason you may be defensive, and rightly so.

Hypnosis, logging in as administrator, and reaching the manager

Have you ever been hypnotized? Have you ever had administrative access to a computer? Have you ever asked to speak to someone’s manager or been witness to someone else doing that?

Let’s talk about how all of these things are related, why it’s normal to be defensive, talking to someone else’s manager, and talking to your own manager.

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Alchemy for Life™ podcast explores themes of experimental psychology, relationships, cognitive science, human behavior, mental models, consciousness, and psychological insights. We uncover hidden truths and ways to improve your life and get things done, or reduce stress and relax.

The latest book is BeCAUSE! The fundamental psychological building blocks that enable you to, or prevent you from, accomplishing anything, everything, and nothing.

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Transcript

Can I Speak to Your Manager?

“I want to speak to the manager.”

Or rather, I want to speak to your manager. Can I do that?

When I ask that question, your mind might immediately go to the structure of your business. Some might joke that their manager is their spouse, or even their cat. But if you’ve been a listener of this podcast, you know where I’m really going with this. I want to know who, or what, is directing your actions.

So, let’s be honest: Who is your manager?

Defining Your Inner Manager

First, let’s define what a manager is. It’s someone responsible for controlling, administering, and directing a part of a company. If it’s your manager, it’s someone responsible for your actions. This is where the trope of “I want to speak to the manager” comes from; you know you can only go so far with the person at the front counter because they don’t have the power to go against a certain rule. You need to talk to the person who can make an exception.

Now, let’s apply that metaphor to you. Think of your brain and the way you manage your life as an organization. You have your ground crew—your instincts and daily impulses. And then you have your higher brain functions—your core values, your logic, the part of you that says, “This is who I am. This is where the buck stops.”

That is your manager.

The Power and Risk of “Admin Access”

There’s a reason people don’t just walk up to you and say, “Hey, I want to talk to the manager immediately.” We have established mannerisms and relationships that grant us that level of access. When someone says, “Let’s be real,” “Let’s be honest,” or “Can I be candid with you?” those are all ways of phrasing, “I want to speak to the manager.”

Asking to talk to someone’s manager in this metaphorical way is like asking for administrative access to who they are. It’s similar to hypnosis. My quick assessment, after years of experience, is that if you are able to hypnotize someone, it’s like logging in as the administrator to their system. You are granted direct access to their core programming.

This is why we typically don’t have access to each other’s managers. Granting this access is a profound act of vulnerability, which is why it’s so important in our most trusted relationships. When you have vulnerability in a relationship—personal or business—that’s when you make real progress. Considering that 50% of marriages end in divorce, there’s probably not a lot of “talking to managers” going on before people make that lifelong commitment.

How to Speak to Your Own Manager

But what about speaking to your own manager? You might think that’s instant, but as I cover in my books Three Voices and BeCAUSE!, there are a lot of layers between your surface-level self and your core.

When you want to talk to your own manager, you’ll do things like look in the mirror or have a heart-to-heart with yourself. Typically, you’ll use your third voice—your speaking voice. You’ll talk out loud and say, “Come on, I’m better than this,” or “Why am I doing this?” You’re trying to access your higher administrative functions.

Getting that access is the challenge, but it’s also where the magic happens. You can buy all the books you want, but you’re not going to affect real change if you don’t have that vulnerability with yourself and say, “Look, I’m actually going to talk to my manager on this.”

My best and most interesting reviews on anything I do—books, coaching, or this podcast—are from people whose manager decided to talk back to me. Somehow, I reached their manager, and their manager came back and said, “You know what? Here’s what I think. And thank you.”

So on that note, thank you. And if you’ve gotten this far, thank you for letting me speak to your manager.

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