Waking up to a Monster. Are you in Survival Mode?

A primer on the book BeCAUSE!

For those that have yet to read my new book because. Here’s a quick primer.

One day, I asked myself a question. If you could have anything you wanted, wouldn’t you? We already know how to do most things and if we don’t, we can Google them or talk to others about it. We want to lose weight, be a better person, learn a new skill, get a new job, pursue a meaningful career, be a better parent, become more resilient, and the list goes on.

But we don’t do that. Sometimes we struggle and sometimes we don’t.

There are things that in spite of us doing everything right we can’t seem to do. On the flipside there are things that we accomplish easily and our friends get very frustrated with us and simply say that “we just have a knack for it.”

Research

My research led to two very important things:

Sigmund Freud’s pleasure principle.

Intense research on what all top performers have in common

But this wasn’t enough. Neither one of those things answered the real question they just stopped.

So I took it further and that is what created the book BeCAUSE!.

Survival mode tell-tale signs

In this short episode, we give a recap of the book and talk about what it means to wake up to a monster.

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Transcript:

Waking Up to a Monster

Hello, and welcome back. I have something interesting for you today—a new concept for those who haven’t read my new book, and some bonus material for those who have. I will try to be brief, and I appreciate you not laughing at me for saying that.

If you could have anything you wanted, wouldn’t you take it? We all have goals. We want to lose some weight, be healthier, make more money, or change careers. We’d like to be more patient with our kids or finally finish that project we’ve been dragging our feet on.

So, why don’t we do these things? What’s stopping us?

Is it a lack of desire? No, we seem to genuinely want these outcomes. Is it a lack of knowledge? Most people have the knowledge they need, or they can easily Google it. The answer, I found, lies deeper.

Research

My research led me to two interesting places. First was Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychology. His flagship theory was the “pleasure principle,” in which he believed that we are all driven by two simple forces: seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. While foundational, this doesn’t fully explain why we fail to do things that we know will bring us pleasure.

So then I looked at top performers. I read books and studies, and they all pointed to one thing: repetition. But again, that didn’t make sense on its own. How do they maintain that repetition? How can normal people use that information?

That’s when I realized what was missing—the forces behind the scenes. What was shoving you into success? What was preventing you from failing? And what was preventing you from succeeding?

In our psyche, these forces are what I call Monsters and Unicorns. This is the concept at the heart of my new book, BeCAUSE!

The decisions we make and the actions we take are often the result of an entire audience of Monsters and Unicorns working with or against each other. The most important things in your life are dictated by the powerful ones you’ve put in place. The book is a short, good read, and it comes with worksheets to help you dive deeper and identify these forces in your own life.

Now that we’re on the same page, let’s get to something new and powerful.

When I write my experimental psychology books, I sometimes get this intense feeling that the book is just the beginning—a foundation we can build on. I liken it to discovering addition and then realizing subtraction, multiplication, and a whole world of mathematics can be built from that one core idea. Our brains are constantly testing the underpinnings of our reality, which is why when I talk about these concepts, I don’t get “you’re crazy” looks; I see the gears spinning in people’s heads as they absorb it.

This happened with BeCAUSE!. Even though the book was just published, two new ideas have already emerged from its foundation.

For those who have read the book, this will give you a new lens to look through. For those who haven’t, I implore you to read it. When you review your life, you might find something that will either encourage you or make you pause and think. Here it is:

If you discover that the majority of what you’re doing right now is because of a Monster—in other words, your primary motivation is avoiding pain—you are probably living in survival mode.

You wake up every morning and think, “Oh my god, I’m going to run out of money.” Or, “I hope this health thing gets better.” Or, “My marriage is falling apart.” Or, “I’m alone and I need to find someone.” Just one of these things can mean you wake up to a Monster every day. The Monster says, “I’ve got you. We need to do whatever it takes to not feel hopeless, poor, alone, or unhealthy.”

You can even have a great life with plenty of stability and still be in survival mode. If you have a horrible boss, you might wake up at 4 a.m. rewriting an email seven times, terrified of the conflict that might come your way. You aren’t seeking the pleasure of a job well done; you are desperately trying to avoid the pain of being attacked. A bad boss, much like a bad spouse, can have a huge impact on your life. That’s not what we’re meant to be experiencing.

People go into survival mode for all sorts of reasons—a breakup, a health issue, losing a job, a financial setback. It can even happen when it’s not about you. If you have a loved one going through something terrible, their struggle can put you in survival mode, too.

However, what if you woke up every morning to a giant Unicorn standing over your bed, saying, “Guess what we get to do today again?” Isn’t that a lot more desirable?

Monsters and Unicorns are neutral parts of your psyche. Waking up to a Unicorn—being pulled toward pleasure—is what we want to do. And seeking pleasure isn’t just about candy or naughty stuff; it includes our highest values. Being a good person, having integrity, and doing things for others are all ways of seeking a profound sense of pleasure.

So, for the purposes of this conversation, it would behoove you to think about whether you primarily wake up to a Monster or a Unicorn. As you’ll see in the book, they are in every single thing we do—our quirks, our personalities, our avoidance of trauma. We can’t get rid of them, but we can learn to manipulate, place, remove, and counter them.

It’s an interesting thing to give some time to: consider whether you’re waking up to a Unicorn or a Monster. Period.

I did tell you there were two new things from the book, but perhaps that’ll be the next episode. Stay tuned. Thank you for reading and thank you for being you. I appreciate you and I value you.

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